When Mornings Matter

One of my goals in Welcoming 2012 was to make our marriage a high priority. Last week, as I read this encouraging article about sticking with a bed time, God convicted me about how important my presence in the morning is to David.

I know he cherishes the time we spend chatting over coffee, planning out our day and even just reading the comics together. It makes him feel loved when I make his lunch, even though it's usually just something boring like left overs or a sandwich. Not everyone feels this way, in fact some people prefer to be left alone in the morning, but knowing how precious that time is to him (and me), it was something I wanted to reclaim.

One of the few times in our marriage I was awake before David. Definitely photo worthy : )

During our push in February to get the main rooms of our house under control, I found myself exhausted. David graciously encouraged me to sleep in and get the rest I needed. For a while, the extra hour of sleep was a necessity, but soon staying in bed lapsed into a habit.

After praying about it, I told David my intention to begin waking up with him this week. I hate making commitments like that because

A. They require effort.
B. I feel terrible if I fail to live up to them.

I wasn't sure how hard getting up at 5:30 again was going to be, but I certainly imagined the worst.

Last night before bed, I prayed God would enable me to keep my commitment. David is fantastic about putting aside his wants to serve the greater good of our family. In fact, he's so good at it, I often take it totally forgranted that it doesn't just flow naturally from him because he has such a kind and willing heart about his tasks. Me...not so much. I tend to be a grudging giver.

To my joy, I woke up 9 minutes before David's alarm went off this morning feeling...refreshed. Really? After 6.5 hours of sleep? I knew who to give the praise to. How wonderful to be reminded that God cares about the little things and that his strength is sufficient for my weakness. What a great way to start the week. Tonight, though, I think we'll try for 8 hours of sleep : )

A Golden Friendship...and the story of how I met my husband

At the end of summer camp each year we used to sing a song, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." Since moving to Pennsylvania, God has blessed us with so many wonderful friends through our church, David's coworkers and our neighbors. Yet, there is always something so precious about spending time with those who've known us for years.

This weekend we were finally able to make it over to Philly to visit our friends Dave and Christine. The role they've played in our lives is a story worth telling. Dave M. and my David met when they were matched up as random room mates during their first year of gradschool at FSU. Dave M. and Christine were dating, but Christine still lived in Pennsylvania. After a year of doing the long-distance thing, she moved down to Florida so they could determine if God was moving them towards marriage.

I met Christine and Dave when they started attending the same church as me for their protestant service (Dave is Catholic, so they went to Mass also). Apparently, after the first time I met Dave and Christine, Dave went back to the apartment and informed David, his room mate who was 27 and had never had a girlfriend, that he needed to come to church to meet the woman he (David) was going to marry. David responded by rolling his eyes.

After a month of hearing Dave insist that this girl had a neon sign above her head that read "David's girl" on it, David finally caved in and came to church with them. He was in a bad mood since he already had a church home of his own across town and thought meeting a girl was a terrible reason to switch churches for a morning. I had no idea any of this was going on, but after being introduced to Dave's room mate, trying to start a conversation and receiving mono-syllabic answers...well, let's just say it wasn't love at first sight.

Dave convinced David that he needed to get to know me through the Weds night Bible study where he could actually have a conversation with me that went beyond, "What's your major?". Since David's church didn't have a Weds night service, he agreed.

David and I share a love of reading and discussing the Bible and it didn't take many Wednesday nights for us to become friends. We also shared similar tastes in movies and books and jokingly said we should combine our libraries. I admired David's singleness, as, at the time, I was pretty certain I was going to devote the next 5-10 years to teaching before settling down as wife and mother, if indeed that was something God had planned for me at all.

Dave M., however, had other plans. As the four of us became better friends he was there to, not so subtly, make sure David and I got to spend lots and lots of time together. Dave made sure that no matter how awkward or inconvenient it might be that wherever we went, David was the one sitting next to me, opening my car door and driving me home. Never mind that Christine and I were leaving at the exact same time and my apartment was on her way home, Dave was quick to volunteer that "David could drop you off." David was ready to murder him sometimes, I would just turn red and nod...yet somehow neither of us could be heard to complain...

When David finally worked up the courage to ask me to date him, Dave's advice was "Just kiss her!" Advice that was, thankfully, ignored. I'm grinning as I reflect on all these things. Although David was ready to kill Dave for his pushyness at times, I think we both needed a bit of a shove in the right direction!

Since those days, life has been busy for all of us. Dave and Christine married in 2008, David and I followed the next year. 2010 brought Caleb, and 2011 brought their son Elias. Both couples have moved at least twice and now here we are, all back in Pennsylvania together.

It would have been impossible for me to imagine, playing cranium and talking theology until 2 in the morning at the guys apartment in Florida, that in 5 years we'd all be hanging out again, this time in Pennsylvania. We're still talking theology...but not past 10:30 because we all have to be ready to greet our energetic toddlers in the morning. Now, I can't imagine it any other way.

We feel so blessed for this friendship that has survived distance, moves, and life changes. We're thankful for friends who remind us of those days when we were first falling in love, who challenge us, who are willing to be transparent about how difficult marriage and parenting can be, and who know what it's like to survive colic and a baby who doesn't sleep.

Of course, it's not all theology and serious discussions. The guys went climbing Saturday morning, despite the fact that this was the view outside the window.

Christine is expecting a very special delivery in 6 months, so she and I stayed home and played with the kiddos

Once the guys got back home there was even more fun. Dave and Elias chasing Caleb.

Daddy is base!

Lent

I first celebrated lent back in 2007 when I found myself the only protestant in our 4 person apartment. After two years in college, I was feeling a bit adrift in my faith. I knew I believed in Christ, and him crucified for my sins. I wasn't sure how I felt about church, pastors, campus ministries or even many other Christians. So, clearly, partaking in an ancient tradition from one of our country's most heavily criticized denominations was the next logical step.

Seriously though, I'd really come to respect my roommates. They patiently answered my questions about why they would be observing lent and didn't treat it as something to be bragged about. The idea of spending time in self examination and prayer, giving up something that hindered my relationship with God and using that time to draw near to him appealed to me and to the private nature my faith had taken on in the absence of trust in a church.

For my fast, I gave up recreational internet (facebook, myspace, blogs, news, etc.) and spent close to an hour most days in prayer and scripture reading. God used it to transform me. I was able to see many sins in my life I'd been blinded to before. I saw bitterness over the church experiences of my growing up years. I saw my avoidance of church and the people in it was just another form of pride. I saw that in my unforgiveness I was ignoring all I had been forgiven of in Christ. I had made my bitterness an idol.

Lent laid the groundwork for many changes that would take place in my life over the next year and gave me the humility I needed to heal my broken relationship with the church. With the help of some extra loving church members I came to be thankful for the company of other believers again. Through a patient and humble pastor I finally understood what a good shepherd should look like.

My struggles are different now, yet the fundamental problem is still there. My heart is an idol manufacturing plant. I think whether we are secular or religious, Christian or atheist, there's a temptation to try and redeem ourselves through works. Our job, our children, our hobbies, our political positions, our finances and our marriages can all become alters where we bow down, worship and receive judgement as to whether our lives are meaningful.

Lent is a time where I ask God to show me where I'm trying to find my self-salvation. It's a time to be reminded that salvation only comes from one place and His yoke is easy and His burden is light. If I'm worn down from struggling and striving, then I'm missing how very sufficient Christ's life, death and resurrection is to transform me into his same image, from one degree of glory to another (2 Cor. 3:18). Yes, giving up something often helps me see this more clearly, but to me, the relief is in knowing that nothing I can do (or abstain from) can add to Christ's completed work on my behalf.

On Giving Thanks

Did you guys see all the "Thankful November" status updates on facebook? I loved reading them. One, however, made my stomach sink a little every time I read it.

I'm thankful for my health

Over the past few months, my doctors have been able to rule out just about everything that could possibly be giving me the horrible pelvic and abdominal pain I've been in for almost 2 years. Which has left us with the dual diagnosis of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Accute Myofacial Pain Syndrome.

Unpacked, those terms basically mean that I have a hypersensitized central nervous system that causes me to feel pain from everyday stimuli. My husbands hug and my son's snuggle bring me both joy and pain. The fibro is an all over ache that you can find quite easily by gently squeezing any of my muscles. The myofascial pain manifests itself in knots of hyper-tender points throughout my abdomen that cause me constant pain (and are what sent me to the doctor in the first place).

Myofascial pain syndrome isn't recognized by a lot of doctors. In fact, I probably would have said it sounded like a fake disease myself, until I became the one whose life was being turned upside down by it and no other plausible explanation can be found. The great news is, it's not fatal and there is a wonderful pain clinic in DC where I'm receiving treatment under a neurologist and physical therapist for a disease most doctors don't even know about.

Coming to grips with this diagnosis has been my battle these past few months. At first I went back and forth between self pity and rationalizing why "it's not so bad". I struggled with seeing so many healthy 25 year old friends of mine who don't spend 1 day every 2 weeks getting poked with needles to help tense muscles release. However, I also have a 25 year old friend who has battled leukemia for several years and recently had to have both hips replaced because of a side effect from her treatment. Who am I to complain? I am thankful for my health.

Slowly, God convicted me that playing the "who has it worse/better than me" game is asking the wrong question. The answer is always "yes, someone does have life harder/easier than I do." The question God wants me to be concerned with is, "Am I willing to glorify and praise him in the circumstances I've been given?" Or, will I waste my life waiting for the way I thought he was going to use me to take place?

Life is not how we imagined it would be before we said "I do". After a day of running after our very active toddler, I struggle against crabbiness in the evenings. David does quite a bit of the housework in addition to being the bread winner. Sometimes I have to go lie down for an hour or two the pain gets so bad. Our house is often messy. Not just a little bit. We definitely never thought we'd be delaying having a second child or wondering if I'd ever be physically able to carry another. We don't answer phone calls, have people over for dinner or keep in touch with family as well as we should because we are so exhausted from trying to cope with the pain and it's effects on our family.

Watching our dreams being deferred month after month has been painful. Slowly though, we are learning to trust that God is offering us something better.

The catalyst for beginning to understand this was a sermon our friend, and church elder, preached about the Israelites coming out of Egypt. Apparently there were two roads to the promised land (check out Exodus 13:17-14:4). A nice, short, easy one and the way God actually took them, through a barren desert. Had they been given the choice, I'm sure the Israelites would have picked the short road. Wasn't God's plan for them the promised land? He'd said it himself.

However, although God had taken the Israelites out of Egypt, he still needed to take the love of Egypt out of their hearts so that they wouldn't be led astray once they reached their destination. Before marriage we had our eyes on the promised land of a large family and thriving marriage. We've found ourselves in the desert. And it's taken me about a year to realize it's not a mistake or a detour.

We're here because of the things we can only learn when all of our dreams seem to be crashing down around us. We're learning to love one another, not because it's easy, but because it's what we've been called to. I'm no longer the bouncy, joyful wife David used to come home to. Even when I'm able to avoid outright crankiness and harsh words, I tend to be more subdued. It hasn't stopped him from being the most amazing husband and father I could ever imagine. It's made me love him even more for all the responsibilities he has so willingly taken on. I'm learning to parent, not in my own strength and wisdom, but on my knees, because I know I am unable to meet my son's needs on my own. We're both learning to trust God to write our future, rather than dictate our dreams to him.

I am thankful. Not just for the level of health I do experience, but for this refining fire that has come into our lives and shaped us in ways we could never have imagined when our eyes were looking at the promised land. We are in the desert and our eyes are on God.

Gardens, Good Things, and God

With lots and lots of help from David, I was able to accomplish May's goal of getting our garden started. We planted 4 rows of lettuce, 1 row of carrots and have tomato and eggplant seedlings growing on our porch. So far, I've killed one entire row of lettuce by forgetting to add potting mix and sticking the seeds straight in our rocky, clay-like soil. The rest of the garden has survived two hail storm assaults and a week of neglect while we were in Baltimore.

Seedlings!

It's so exciting to come out each day and see plants that have literally grown over night. Caleb enjoys "helping" me water (eg, he's obsessed with the hose) and David is always willing to dig yet another row. It really has been a team effort. It's also reminded me a lot about how growth takes time, patience and nurturing. A good reminder for me in my new role as "mom".

The lettuce is almost big enough to be thinned again

Despite the 90+ degree weather, spring remains in full force in our yard thanks to a wonderful large Maple tree that shelters the smaller bushes from the sun's relentless heat. Red, pink and yellow knock-out roses are in full bloom and making their best effort to take over our back patio, the wisteria survived two rounds of hail and some lovely purple flowers have appeared on an unnamed bush towards the back of the yard.

June is already looking like a busy month with a cook out, a yard sale, a visit from David's brother (woo-hoo!) and a very special first birthday on the horizon. In light of all this, my only "goal" for June is that rather than using these things as a means of avoiding God because I'm "busy", I would spend much needed time in communion with Him.

It's so easy for me to think God's plan for me is to be a "good wife" or "good mom" as if those things are all he created me for. And while those things are wonderful and important, I am made for so much more. Caring for our home and son are just a few means of bringing God honor. When I'm not communing with God, even those things become means of avoiding Him and I miss out on touching base with all the other things He's created me for as well. I forget that my role isn't just to meet my families physical needs, but their spiritual ones as well.

So in this busy season of gardening, farmer's markets, hospitality, birthdays, diapers and dishes- I want to remember that life is about even more than all of these wonderful things.

On Living with Pain

Next week, assuming nothing changes, I will have been in pain for one consecutive year. I can remember the day it began vividly. David and I were in Baltimore for his work. I was 8 months pregnant. I woke up one morning, the first week of May, looked at him and said, "I think the baby bruised me last night" as I pointed to a spot about an inch below my sternum, slightly to the right. I've been able to point to that exact spot every day since because it still hurts.

The first few weeks I didn't think much of it. Then as my blood pressure began creeping up in the late weeks of pregnancy I began worrying about liver problems. A quick check at the OB confirmed all was well in that regard. It was probably just the baby snuggling under my rib cage.

I didn't realize at the time that most women don't find it hard to stand longer than 30 minutes at a time because of "baby in rib cage" and worried no more. I honestly thought I was just being over sensitive to the pain, tried to ignore at as best I could and spent much time in the recliner, the only place I found relief.

The pain did ease up after delivery. I no longer have problems standing, but it's there. Usually hovering just below the surface, surprising me with knife like intensity when I use to many muscles in gardening or Caleb gives a well placed kick. I've had two ultrasounds, one CT scan and tons of blood work. It all says I'm fine, but the pain persists.

I'm not a stranger to pain. I had an incredibly painful surgery (as in, they give you an epidural for pain relief afterward) my last year of highschool that left me in on/off chronic pain for 4 years. Then, the rod was removed and things got better quickly. This is however, the first time I've not known the cause of my pain.

Four years is a long time to be in pain, but not knowing what the cause is or when/if it will end is harder. There are days the discouragement brings me to tears, but as with all trials, I've found it's gradually refining me, like pressure turns coal into diamond.

I so often find myself returning to 2 Corinthians 12:7-8 for comfort. Are these verses about healing? Nope. They're about how God sends Paul a thorn for his flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment him so that he does not become conceited. Paul prays 3 times for it to be removed. God says no.

God would rather allow Paul to live with this problem than for him to get swallowed up by sin. I know some may find that idea offensive, but I find it so comforting! I would so much rather have trouble and be brought close to God, than to have all happiness and forsake him. Not that the two have to be mutually exclusive, but my sweetest times with the Lord have all come during difficulty.

I am learning to take refuge in the fact that God is both sovereign and good. I can trust that there is nothing I need that he does not supply and that I need nothing which he withholds, even healing.

It's been hard for me to reconcile at times that this isn't a detour of His plan for me. It's happening so it is part of his plan. This is especially hard when I weigh my desire to have a larger family against my desire to not be on what is effectively modified bed rest and incredible pain in the final months of pregnancy.

I don't know where this twist in what I thought was the path will lead us. Will we only have a few children? Will we adopt? These are questions my mind asks when it is anxious, but rather than attempting to predict what will happen I try to simply pray that God will make the way clear to us when the time comes. Often I want him to illuminate the whole path when he wants me to walk in faith to the next lighted step.

I share this for two reasons. One, I hope it will be an encouragement to my friends who also have chronic pain that you have more company (and I admire you so much!) and two, that you who pray would be interceding on my behalf to trust, be patient and if it's God's will, to be healed. Whatever testimony God has for my life, whether it's joy in healing or trust through pain, I am willing.

Why I'm thankful I was 8 months pregnant on our 1st anniversary

I think this post needs a disclaimer: This post is a testimony about God's work in our family...not how we think your family should work! So enjoy : )

This is me on our first anniversary.

One question we heard a lot once we announced our good news, 5 months after our wedding was, "Were you guys trying?". It was a question I found hard to answer. Trying implies striving towards a goal, which didn't describe us at all. However, we both felt strongly convicted to be open to life in our marriage and saw no compelling reasons to wait.

As Caleb grew in my womb, his kicks growing stronger each day, a startling realization dawned on me: this little boy is going to live as I live, not as I tell him to live. It's a thought that humbles me each day.

If I am unkind he will learn unkindness

If am lazy he will learn laziness

If I am selfish he will learn selfishness

If I worship my family, computer, etc. more than the Lord he will learn to put God last also

God has used this realization as a means of grace in my life. I've found myself able to change in areas I felt defeated in before Caleb was born. That alone is reason enough I am thankful Caleb came into our lives sooner rather than later. However, there are so many more joys he brings to our home, that I truly can't imagine our family dynamic with out him.

Does that mean I never think, "If we didn't have a baby we could do xyz?" Ha! I probably think that on a weekly basis. However, I am quickly reminded by my own heart how there is no place I'd rather go or thing I'd rather do than be Caleb's mom.

Having a child changes your whole life. There's no doubt about it. There are days I'm completely overwhelmed by the task I've been given. There are days I don't stop smiling and could post a new status about his cuteness every 5 minutes. There is never a day I doubt God's good and loving kindness in opening our hearts to Caleb's life.

A Mission Statement at Last

Way (way, way) back in November I blogged about creating a family mission statement. We found ourselves feeling a little lost between moving 1300 miles (again) and having just become parents. David and I were hoping to craft an encompassing statement of values to help us know where to focus our energy in a world that offers us almost limitless choices.

After a season of prayer, conversation and learning about ourselves we crafted this statement:

We, the Gainey family, believe that our purpose as a family is to bring glory to God. We hope to accomplish this by:
~valuing scripture and prayer as our guides.
~making our home a place of simplicity, stewardship and teamwork.
~prioritizing relationships over lesser values.
~interacting with each other in a spirit of love and respect.

While I can read this and know the depth of each word as it resonates in our hearts, I think a brief explanation of each section might be helpful (and good for me to look back on in the future!)

We, the Gainey family, believe that our purpose as a family is to bring glory to God.
If you're not a believer, the idea that we think our family is here to glorify God may sound a bit strange, if not narcissistic! We believe that the more joy we have in knowing God, the more glory we bring to him. Just as, when you enjoy who your husband or wife is and share that with others, it brings glory to them, although we might not typically think about it that way.

valuing scripture and prayer as our guides.
If we are going to enjoy who God is, how better to get to know him than through scripture and prayer? Sadly, we often choose to entertain ourselves rather than fill ourselves with the relationship our hearts most crave.

making our home a place of simplicity, stewardship and teamwork.
As we talked about how we saw our home (both the physical dwelling and the people in it) several themes kept resurfacing.

Simplicity: Having fewer things to maintain, clean, etc. to allow more time for relationships.

Stewardship: of our bodies, of the earth, our time, our finances, etc. This was just a huge topic for us.

Teamwork: David and I love to tackle things as a team. From rock climbing to loading the dishwasher we find life more fun when we work on things side by side.

prioritizing relationships over lesser values.
When life gets crazy, what is the one thing we refuse to sacrifice? Relationships: With God, each other, our children, our extended family and our friends. Will we be perfect? Nope. However, it's a great reminder that an unexpected visit with a friend in my messy house trumps putting off spending time together any day.

And finally, interacting with each other in a spirit of love and respect.

David and I find those two words sum up what needs to happen for us to feel close to one another.

There's nothing magical about having a mission statement. We'll still feel overwhelmed and unsure sometimes many times, but it's an anchor to come back to. Simple words, simple conversations, but I learned so much about my husband's heart (and my own) on our journey to write them. Thanks for letting me share them with you.

If you'd like to craft your own family mission statement, this post was our primary resource.

Little Month, Big Challenge

February may be short, but it's an ambitious month in the Gainey household. On top of continuing January's goal of routine (specifically: exercise, quiet time and showering in the morning- yes, I was showering before, just often after David got home!) I've added a few others.

February's goals are to update the budget weekly, stay under my grocery budget and (the one I'm really scared about) stop criticizing and boasting.

My final Feb goal (which David is working on too) is something I've been convicted of quite recently. Both David and I have noticed over the last year our conversations too often center on what "we do right" and what "others do wrong". I'm ashamed to admit that. How do these conversations happen? Well, I think a big part of it is there's a fine line between sharing your heart with your spouse and tearing someone else down in the process.

The advent of social media like facebook, blogs and even the easy accessibility of mass media at any time of the day or night makes it easier than ever for us to compare ourselves to others. And, in the words of John Acuff, "Our internal dialogue has two modes: extreme criticism or extreme flattery." Whether I'm down in the dumps because another mom appears to have her life all together or feeling unreasonably proud of the fact that I cooked while another family went out to eat ('cause you know, we never do that...) it all stems from the same wrong heart: that I can ever evaluate my worth based on another human being.

I've met so many families, many of them Christian unfortunately, who seemed to have an air of superiority about themselves. You could hear it in their disdain for the choices others around them were making and in their bragging about their own morality. This is not the Gospel. And this is not how I want conversations in our family to sound. We are all made in the image of God and therefore each carry unique value and worth, but we are also all broken by sin, often manifesting in very different ways in our lives, but broken none-the-less. This is how I want to view people. It's how I want our children to view people. To be able to see beauty and inherent worth in each person, while still being able to forgive individual failings. Tearing others down extinguishes this truth in our hearts.

How does that look in real life? Here are some verses I'm praying will make their way from my head to my heart:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." (Phillipians 4:8)

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)

"A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense" (Prov. 19:11)

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..." (James 1:19)

"Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Col. 3:13)

I think it's important that we can be open with one another about what is on our heart, but not at someone else's expense.

I know this won't be an easy habit to build, but I hope by approaching it intentionally and with prayer that February will be a month I get better at showing love in my speech. Isn't love what this month is supposed to be about anyway?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." -1st Corinthians 13:4-5

Quiet Time Reflections

Interesting: 1 Samuel 10- Israel rejects God, wants a king. God gives Israel a king. People complain that the appointed king won't be able to save them. Lesson: When God alone isn't enough for us, nothing else we receive from his hand will satisfy us either. When God alone is enough, we are free to fully enjoy the blessings he gives.

The first 10 days

This past October, Mama C (http://www.onourdailywalk.com/) blogged about how she had one new goal for each month. As she kept us updated on her progress (including the things she ended up deciding weren’t worth her or her family’s time!) I felt so inspired. Focusing on one thing a month seems infinitely more manageable than trying to implement a bunch of good habits starting Jan. 1st!

This month my word has been ROUTINE. Schedules bog me down, but routines free me. I’ve already seen the joy and energy that’s been added to my day from making sure to begin the day with a warm breakfast, 10 minutes of tummy toning (I’m trying to lose that "4 months pregnant" look), a shower/clothes for the day (not jammies!), and most importantly time for scripture and prayer. This is all I can accomplish in Caleb's 1.5hr morning nap, but it makes me so much MORE productive the rest of my day. I would have never believed it. David has been amazed at the change in my attitude and the state of our home.

My only other routine has been one we’ve enjoyed since before our son was born, but was taken to new levels of necessity back in the days of colic. We take a 1 hour family walk just prior to our Caleb’s bed time. It really gets us through what continues to be the fussiest time of day and gives us time to connect after a day spent apart. David carries Caleb in the Ergo so they get some much needed cuddle time.


I know a lot of people make a new years resolution to exercise so I wanted to share a little more on my journey towards getting back in shape. I've been steadily (but slowly) losing my baby weight. After being plateaued at 10lbs above my goal for several months I decided I needed to actually work at it instead of just hoping nursing would do the job for me.

In just 10 days, I've discovered one very important thing:

-If it's not simple I won't do it. Complicated exercises are not for me. I do 4 basic tummy toners 3x's/week. It takes me less than 10 minutes and I've already started to see a change! Consistently doing a few basics has been way better for me than trying to do some super-hard exercises and then avoiding exercise all together because it's so miserable!

Now the really important news...How is Caleb doing? About a week ago I was having another spurt of feeling like nothing we do makes that poor kid happy. It seemed like every nap and transition was a struggle, sleep deteriorated again, and I felt lost as a mom. After a few "woe is me" emails and conversations with friends, God began convicting me that my attitude was preventing me from enjoying the child he's given me because I was envying (read: sinning) the joy other children seem to have.

Surprise surprise, once I confessed this attitude and repented, things started going a lot better. Not only was my heart better, but Caleb has been a true joy to be with. He's suddenly much more interested in communicating with us through smiles, raspberries and babble. We are loving getting to see him learn how to scoot himself all over and actually begin to like solids. Something about this past week has made us both realize, "he is growing up...fast!"




I can’t wait to see what the rest of 2011 brings!