Clothing Purge

Ever since Caleb was born I've felt like I had a ton of clothes and not much to wear. It's a pretty common post-baby problem. I didn't even begin to resemble my pre-pregnancy weight until 9 months after Caleb was born and only in the past 4-5 months have I been at my college weight. I'd love to say it's because I took great care of myself, ate well and exercised, but I can thank 3 back-to-back stomach flus for shedding those last few pounds. It's not a weight loss program I recommend.

That said, I still feel like I have nothing to wear. Being a mom is hard on your clothes. Even though I'm back to my pre-baby weight, my body has totally changed. I've gained 2 cup sizes, so most of my shirts are too tight, the skin on my lower stomach still has a slight sag from carrying my precious babe (this took me a looong time to come to peace with, but I'm finally there!), and I lost numerous shirts to baby spit-up stains. Apparently, stomach acid works a bit like bleach.

Combine all that with the fact that, frankly, I haven't done much clothes shopping since before I started grad-school so most of my clothes are at least 5 years old. They are starting to fade, shrink, pill, and get weird squiggles and sags around the necklines. Since I'm not a fan of shopping, it's hard for me to motivate myself to go looking for new cloths until my wardrobe is in this sad state.

My overstuffed closet, filled with clothes that no longer fit and/or make me look like I'm in high school again, and not in a flattering way.

A few weekends ago, David and I decided to use our once-a-month date time to get some shopping done. I figured going through my closet and determining what I had, what I needed and what mistakes NOT to repeat would count as my warm up for Project Simplify.

Here are my lessons learned:

1. If it needs to be ironed, I am never going to wear it.
2. If I don't absolutely love the fit and color in the store, it doesn't matter how great a deal it is, I won't buy it.
3. If it shows my bra strap, cleavage, or is sheer I am not going to feel comfortable wearing it anywhere, ever.
4. The item must flatter my new mom body and not make me look 15 or 85.
5. I don't work outside the home anymore. Professional button down shirts are out, but some sassy looking jeans and pretty shirts are in. Patterns that hide stains well are a bonus.

Clothes to be donated are in the back pile. Clothes to be tried on are in the front pile.

Even with all this gone, I was left with a pretty full closet, which Caleb is making even fuller in this photo : ) A number of the clothes that are left are showing signs of wear, but are still passable for now.

Mistakes not-to-be-repeated fresh on my mind, it was time to make my shopping list. My wardrobe is another area of my life I'm trying to simplify. I have a dresser and a closet for clothing storage. I could probably fit all the items I actually wear into one or the other. The rest is just wasting space and adding to the things I need to clean and maintain.

That said, to make a small wardrobe really functional, each peice should be able to mix and match with several others and should reflect the stage of life I'm in (ie: no ironing, dry cleaning or handwashing required).

Here was my personal shopping list for our day out:

- 3-4 Basic long sleeve shirts. Mine need to be replaced badly.

-Nice looking fleece pullover. I have one fleece, but in a color that isn't the best for my skin tone, not to mention shows every smear of baby food and piece of lint. It kills me to spend money to get something I already have, but this is such a staple of my wardrobe (as a layer in the winter and my go-to jacket in the fall and spring) that I think it's worth it to have one that really works for me.

-Ivory peep toe shoes.I'm a bridesmaid again!

-Non-sneaker everyday shoes. I'm thinking knock off Tom's.

-New slippers. Mine are falling apart.

-1 pair of jeans that fit perfectly. I currently have 3 pairs of pants (1 khaki, 1 corduroy, 1 pair of jeans) that fit me well and I find myself typically needing 1 more before laundry day.

-Cute yoga pants. Confession: I'm a huge fan of the elastic waist band. David is ok with that, as long as I still look cute in them. Meaning sweatpants are out, which is fine by me because they make me feel frumpy anyway!

I knew shopping at the mall (even an outlet mall) was going to be a challenge for me. I tend to be a bit of a tid-wad very frugal when it comes to clothing. Going through my closet, I had to own up that my frugality has actually contributed to the clutter. How many shirts were in my donate pile that I bought just because they were a good deal and looked "ok"? If I hardly ever wore that item, it wasn't a good deal.

In an ideal world, I would buy everything from thrift stores. Not only do they save money, but I like the fact that I become one more step removed from a clothing industry that tends to pay it's CEO's well and it's factory workers less than a living wage. However, since moving to a small town, I've had difficulty find clothing in thrift stores that isn't already looking pretty worn out. Baby clothes are the exception, although even those racks require quite a bit of picking through.

As it turned out, our outlet mall was having an awesome President's Day sale and I was able to find 1 long sleeve shirt, 1 short sleeve shirt, cute yoga pants, and the perfect pair of jeans for about 50% of their usual outlet price. We also found 2 pairs of much needed shoes for David and Caleb's last set of onesies ever *sniffle sniffle* (they don't make them in sizes larger than 24 months. I guess I'm supposed to start potty training or something by then ; )

Here are two articles that inspired me to have a "less is more" clothing philosophy and to be willing to pay a little bit more for clothing that is quality and really works with my body type and lifestyle:

How to Choose a Shirt

Creating a Wardrobe that Works for You

In case you're wondering if I have such severe "mess blindness" that I missed the clutter filling the rest of the closet, I'm happy to say my condition is not so severe. I'm looking forward to tackling that on week 3 of project simplify. I'm so excited to be making progress, one bite at a time!

Simplification Begins: An update on our goals

Keeping house has been a challenge for me ever since we got married. I really admire women (and men) who seem to organize naturally. For me, it's been a skill to be learned, painfully and slowly. Not only do I have chronic mess-blindness and a tendency to be lazy, but we haven't exactly had a lot of time to just...clean.

We moved into our home during the first trimester nausea, had a productive 3-4 months in mid pregnancy and then a painful and difficult last 2 months. After that, our colicky bundle of joy arrived and just as the colic ended we moved to Florida for 6 months. When we returned we were greated with scenes like this one:

A frightening view of our master bedroom. I didn't take any of the main rooms, but imagine ever surface covered in clutter and burp clothes stewn about on the floor

Although our house hasn't been at that level of disorganization in quite a while, it seemed like we were always 2 steps behind the clutter. Honestly, it was a lot like being in debt. We were already behind, so getting ahead took at least double the effort. We decided that we needed to get out of organization "debt" and make our house start working for us.

Over the month of February, David and I threw every spare minute of our time into getting the 3 main rooms of the house in order. We decluttered the kitchen island, dining room table and desk. We set up a paper mangement system to keep paper from taking over again. We (and two of David's awesome brothers) rearranged living room furniture to make the room more functional.

To do all this, while keeping up with cooking, dishes, floors, laundry and our teaching commitments at church, we sacrificed a lot of time with one another and a little sleep. We decided that for a short season the loss was worth the gain.

Boy was it ever! Having a living space that works for us is so refreshing.There are still a few small projects to tackle in each room, but our decluttering goal is well under way and our paper management goal is officially checked off! Sadly, I forgot to take "before" photos so you'll have to just imagine papers piled on every flat surface in the room.

A look at the dining room from the kitchen entrance. Note the easy access to the high chair. Nothing must delay food from reaching that destination. The hearts on the wall are from Valentine's Day

I can see my desk again! I still need to sort through the dozen binders and notebooks stacked on the right side, but this is serious progress.

The livingroom. The lighting isn't as good because I had to take these shots at night. Let's face it, with a toddler in the house, it's the only time of day the floor isn't covered in toys.

The view from the diningroom. In case anyone is wondering, the indoor slide is how you keep an active toddler from going crazy during a wet winter here in the north

You'll notice there's no photo of the kitchen island. That would be because it's gotten cluttered again. That is definitely our "catch all" spot!

Not surprisingly, all this sucess has left me even more motivated to keep chipping away at the clutter. Next month, I'll be continuing the process with Project Simplify. If you'd like to join me, just click the button on the side bar : )

Welcoming 2012

It's hard for me to believe February is here already. I've kind of been in denial that 2012 is underway. Last year we rang in the new year with an at-home date where we talked about our hopes and dreams for our family in 2011. We crafted a family mission statement and my guiding word was "routine". It was all very purposeful and refreshing.

This year, we hung out with family, shared a quick kiss and midnight and then hopped into bed since our toddler would still be up at the crack of dawn the next morning. As soon as we got back to Pennsylvania, we hit the ground running with new commitments like leading our small group on Weds. night, preparing for another 10 hour trip, and (David) teaching Sunday school for 2 weeks. Not to mention taking down Christmas decorations, unpacking and reclaiming order in the house.

So perhaps it's not surprising that January was almost over before I felt like we had a chance to step back and evaluate how last year went and beginning planning for this year. David and I tend to use our long drive to DC for pain clinic appointments as an opportunity to catch up, regroup and plan. Last week, we carved out some time in between preparing our lessons to discuss family life. Here's what we found:

Recaping 2011
Developing a routine with a new baby and a 1000 mile move was no easy task. In fact, when our conversation first began, I thought we had made very little progress at all. However, as David guided my memories back to what life was like in our very first months of parenting, I could see a huge difference. The growth of a family rhythm is like the growth of child, it's something you're immersed in, and it's hard to see without looking waaay back for perspective. It would probably bore you to list all the teeny tiny goals our family reached, but it was so encouraging for me to hear David's perspective on how I've grown as a home manager in the past year.

While we still have much we want to improve upon this year it's nice to have figured out ways to minimize dishes, keep the clutter from completely taking over, cook healthy meals almost every night and still have lots of time to spend with Caleb.

Moving forward in 2012
Although 2012 has had a very busy start, David and I are both so thankful for the way our commitments have forced us to put down our books, turn off the TV and spend concentrated time reading the Bible and praying. I've seen a huge difference in how much I talk to God throughout my day and my attitude towards disappointments and frustrations. Less time spent with entertainment and more time spent with God is definitely a trend we'd like to see continue this year.

Now that I've developed a pretty good routine for keeping the basic household tasks up-to-date (who knew rinsing dishes immediately could be so helpful?) we have 3 major home-related goals this year:

1. Declutter and deep clean the house. As we began to learn last year, a house with fewer things is a house that is easier to enjoy and maintain. We are planning (as in, need to pick dates on the calendar) a room-by-room declutter and deep clean as our spring cleaning this year. I'm dreading the effort required, but know the results will be worth it!

2. Develop a paper management system. My desk is supposed to be our home management hub. With no system to organize the receipt, bill, file and shred piles though, you can imagine the pile of paper that has resulted. Not to mention all the little stacks of paper shoved in various corners of the house before company comes over...I'm nervous about this goal because it's going to involve building a new habit, which is always a challenge, but I can't wait to not worry if I've misplaced a bill or wonder where a receipt is!

3. Make our home "ours". There are so many decorating projects David and I have had on the back burner because we felt overwhelmed just trying to keep the house clean. Our reward for taking care of these not-so-fun tasks will be to finally get to do some of these long awaited projects.

I can't wait to post before and after pictures : )

Finally, a personal goal of mine is to make David and I's marriage my biggest priority after my relationship with Christ. I must confess that all too often, we put our time together and cultivating our friendship behind other obligations. Interestingly, the focus on cleaning our home is a big part of that goal because David especially needs the peace and calm of organization to relax. I enjoy it too, but not in the same way. Just as he gives me the gift of long conversations, I want to give him the gift of service this year. Neither comes easily for us, but what could be worth more effort than truly speaking to our spouses heart?

I've never been big on making new year's resolutions, but the start of a new year has become a great time for us to take a step back, assess what worked well last year and what needs some tweaking and plan to live more purposefully with the time we are given. I hope 2012 is off to a great start for each one of you!

A Mission Statement at Last

Way (way, way) back in November I blogged about creating a family mission statement. We found ourselves feeling a little lost between moving 1300 miles (again) and having just become parents. David and I were hoping to craft an encompassing statement of values to help us know where to focus our energy in a world that offers us almost limitless choices.

After a season of prayer, conversation and learning about ourselves we crafted this statement:

We, the Gainey family, believe that our purpose as a family is to bring glory to God. We hope to accomplish this by:
~valuing scripture and prayer as our guides.
~making our home a place of simplicity, stewardship and teamwork.
~prioritizing relationships over lesser values.
~interacting with each other in a spirit of love and respect.

While I can read this and know the depth of each word as it resonates in our hearts, I think a brief explanation of each section might be helpful (and good for me to look back on in the future!)

We, the Gainey family, believe that our purpose as a family is to bring glory to God.
If you're not a believer, the idea that we think our family is here to glorify God may sound a bit strange, if not narcissistic! We believe that the more joy we have in knowing God, the more glory we bring to him. Just as, when you enjoy who your husband or wife is and share that with others, it brings glory to them, although we might not typically think about it that way.

valuing scripture and prayer as our guides.
If we are going to enjoy who God is, how better to get to know him than through scripture and prayer? Sadly, we often choose to entertain ourselves rather than fill ourselves with the relationship our hearts most crave.

making our home a place of simplicity, stewardship and teamwork.
As we talked about how we saw our home (both the physical dwelling and the people in it) several themes kept resurfacing.

Simplicity: Having fewer things to maintain, clean, etc. to allow more time for relationships.

Stewardship: of our bodies, of the earth, our time, our finances, etc. This was just a huge topic for us.

Teamwork: David and I love to tackle things as a team. From rock climbing to loading the dishwasher we find life more fun when we work on things side by side.

prioritizing relationships over lesser values.
When life gets crazy, what is the one thing we refuse to sacrifice? Relationships: With God, each other, our children, our extended family and our friends. Will we be perfect? Nope. However, it's a great reminder that an unexpected visit with a friend in my messy house trumps putting off spending time together any day.

And finally, interacting with each other in a spirit of love and respect.

David and I find those two words sum up what needs to happen for us to feel close to one another.

There's nothing magical about having a mission statement. We'll still feel overwhelmed and unsure sometimes many times, but it's an anchor to come back to. Simple words, simple conversations, but I learned so much about my husband's heart (and my own) on our journey to write them. Thanks for letting me share them with you.

If you'd like to craft your own family mission statement, this post was our primary resource.

Warm Thoughts

I wish this title was: Warm thoughts for a cold day. However, as the expected high today is 73, I'll just have to give up on being witty and share the thoughts that are warming my heart this morning:

-There is nothing better than hearing my husband say, "I have to say, I'm really excited about dinner tonight. You make the best omelets!" This would be wonderful to hear regardless, but you have to understand A.) I make things a lot more time consuming than omelets that don't receive this kind of compliment and B.) My omelets may taste good, but they are UGLY. Fortunately, men don't seem to care about aesthetics when it comes to food!

-If toe wrangling (aka clipping baby's nails) was an Olympic sport, I think I could compete. Getting all 10 of those tootsies clipped at one sitting always makes me feel like supermom.

-The livingroom is clean. I have to be sure to type this in the morning because by the afternoon it won't be true.

-Caleb is pushing himself into crawl position and using his upper body strength to move in a semi circle. I'm not sure if this is heart warming or terrifying...

And perhaps most importantly...

-This morning I realized I can't do it all. Which was what I told David when I asked if we could take time to pray over and write a family mission statement. I said, "We have limited time and almost infinite opportunities for how to spend it. I want to pray for God's direction on where our family should focus our energy." And while those may have been the words coming out of my mouth. My heart was saying, "And maybe, just maybe, we will discover the secret to actually doing it all instead!"

So as I was cooking my messy, but "delicious" omelet this morning from the left over ingredients, looking at my cluttered counter tops and wishing the kitchen looked as nice as the living room. I felt God reminding me that there truly isn't time to "do it all". We will need His wisdom about where to direct our time and energy. And, if He isn't our first love, all the other good things we could fill our time with will become idols to try and fill that void.

My prayer for the new year is that God would show me the good things I love too much, and that he would become my first desire.

How's it going?

I thought I'd post a short update on how our journey to a family mission statement is going.

So far, I'd say it's going well, if more slowly that I expected. While we haven't had a quiet time everyday, we've been having them about 5/7 days each week. The first few nights are always the hardest to get rolling. It's like trying to have a phone conversation with someone you haven't spoken to in a while, it takes time to get reacquainted. I remember saying to David a few nights ago, "Tonight I'm looking forward to quiet time." That's when I finally felt like we were making progress. I'm pretty good at remembering to "behave", I'm not very good at fostering my joy in my relationship with God. How sad it is when I trade the Good News for living a moral life!

I got so discouraged by this tendency of mine to settle for "being good" over actually relating to God that I began to question whether I really knew God at all. If I could be so callous to the Gospel, had it really penetrated my heart? As I sought God in prayer about this I felt peace and reassurance that all the callousness of my heart is a reminder of how dear His grace should be and all the good works I can become so prideful of are only a reflection of the work he's doing in me.

So what does all this have to do with our family mission statement? Our days will be defined by what we value most, and I'm grateful that God is moving my head knowledge to my heart so that he can truly become my treasure.

Where Are We Going?

If you're familiar with the amount of change our family has seen in the past couple years, you might naturally assume that title is a musing about where God might move us next. In a way you'd be right.

Lately, David and I have been much less concerned about the physical location of our family, but the spiritual one. It's become clear to us that our lives too often revolve around enjoying this life and focus much less on the simple question, "What work does God have for me today?"

So we've decided to begin a journey from now until the new year of delving into our family mission statement. What gifts have we been given, what are our goals in the long term, and what steps do we need to take today? We see the daily routines such as work and meeting Caleb's needs define our days now, with most of our free time spent on entertainment or relaxing. I feel like God has more for us. When I spend time as a family, I want to be intentional about it, not zoned in front of the TV. When I have a free Saturday I want to do more than laundry. I want to serve, learn, do.

I have no idea where this journey will lead us, but I'm looking forward to the ride. Right now the only "new" habit we are instituting is daily Word and prayer time. We are trusting God to lead us to the rest.

We'll be sharing more as the story continues. If you've done something similar I'd love to hear your thoughts. If you're interested in doing something similar this is our springboard: http://simplemom.net/back-to-the-basics-create-a-family-mission-statement/