As you may have read in my post a few weeks ago, I've been taking steps to spend less time online. Recently, I've realized that none of these steps have changed the root problem, my heart. I may (or may not...) be able to shut the computer while Caleb is awake or David is home, but even when I'm following my own rules, I find my heart is just waiting for the next opportunity to sit down and zone out.
"Really?" I think to myself. How is it possible that I'd rather escape to the world of blogs, news articles and social media than engage my family, who I love dearly? I can make lots of excuses: It keeps me in touch with the outside world, I've always loved learning new things, Haven't the articles I've read even made me a better wife/homemaker/mother? And there is a seed of truth in all those things, but it can't change the underlying reality that my addiction to surfing the internet is hurting our family.
So, beginning this weekend, I'll be fasting from the internet. I'll post Caleb's 15 month update, and recent photos onto facebook over the next 2 days and then it will be a total fast for at least a week. I will still check my email before bed each night since I have 2 commitments who contact me via that route and that's it.
David asked me how long I plan to fast. I've committed to a week as a short term goal, but in reality, I plan to fast until that twitch in my brain to gravitate to the computer the second I have a little time to myself is gone. I know fasting alone can't change my heart, but I've seen it's effectiveness in getting a barrier out of the way for the One who can change it.
Please do pray for me. Pray for a genuine reorientation of my heart away from selfish escapism and into glad service to my king. I'm painfully aware that the root problem at the heart of this is that I look to a source other than God for fulfillment, guidance, peace, rest etc.
I'm so thankful for David's support in all this. He has asked me hard questions, nudged me, encouraged me, but never forced his way or told me what I "need to do".
Please feel free to contact me via email or phone. I have no desire to become hermit, simply to be free from the tyranny of the question: "How can I entertain myself next?" I don't want to waste my life.
"America is the world's first culture in jeopardy of amusing itself to death" -Neil Postman